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Our home serves as a refuge for our neighbors in need. The walls permeate love, which in its purest form is expressed in charity to our guests.
We have guests who stay at the Heart of Mary House for months upon months, but by and large, the average stay is around 9 weeks. There is a tiny percentage of guests who are only with us for a few short hours and one of those guests is who I am sharing with you today.
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We recently received a guest who had a horrific diagnosis of metastatic endometrial cancer. The effects of the cancer and the treatments she went through left her suffering tremendously. She had been hospitalized most recently after a failed attempt to end her own life. She had an uninvolved son and a spouse who also had a progressive illness as well and was unable to care for her. She had no place to go. Even if she could have afforded it, a person can not be admitted into a nursing home if there has been any record of mental illness, suicidal ideation or suicidal attempts. This person needed hospice, but in order to receive hospice, she needed shelter and care.
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When the hospital case manager called to see if we had room, I told her that our 3rd bed was available, but it was not the most ideal space for someone who was oriented. It is a shared space and we had a gentleman on the other side of the partition. The ‘wall’ that separates this space from the living room is a curtain. I explained this to the hospital discharge team and they basically said, she is desperate and as long as Heart of Mary would accept her, it would be fine.
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When she arrived in the afternoon, she was fully cognizant and decisional. She signed her own paperwork for admission into the home and with the hospice agency. She was gripped with fear and was exhausted. She was swollen to an unimaginable degree and had multiple wounds that had obviously not been well cared for. It seemed/smelled as if she had been almost completely untouched during her two weeks in the hospital. Inside her skinfolds were literal washrags that had been stuffed in the folds to absorb fluid.
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She appeared to know that death was upon her and she voiced an extreme fear of this. Our caregivers held her hands, washed her up,and prayed for her, over her and with her. She smiled and began to express pure gratitude and peace of mind.
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In the early hours of the morning, our caregiver noticed that her breathing had changed, but she was incredibly peaceful looking, almost glowing. Just a short time later, before the sun had come up, she passed away.
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In my many years of experience as a hospice nurse, I often witnessed patients who were wrecked with anxiety, which would exacerbate pain, which would trigger more anxiety and the cycle would seem unending. I knew that it was incredibly unlikely that a person could release themselves in this state and pass away. I had seen it countless times with my own two eyes. This is where medications to treat the pain and anxiety are used in order to get the cycle under control. The end result is often the cessation of life.
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After our first few residents at Heart of Mary House passed away, I began to notice a trend; instead of them requiring more and more medications as they approached death, they required less and less. I, along with our hospice teams, was baffled by this. In my hospice mind, I understood that you could expect pain to increase, and anxiety was sure to become out of control as well, and the notion that we must medicate prophylactically for what was sure to occur as death approached was rightfully no longer making sense.
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Our hospice nurses would come to check the residents and ask about how often they were receiving medications. They questioned if maybe there was an error, perhaps the medications were not signed off after administration…. No. No errors. We administered medications as ordered and as symptoms of anxiety or pain arose. If there was no sign or symptom, we did not administer medications. Thankfully, we had, and still have, a solid relationship with our hospice agencies and instead of insisting that we medicate “prophylactically,” they trusted our assessment and over and over again were mesmerized at how the expression of peace, hope and most of all, love, seemed to be a balm for the wounded souls seeking refuge at the Heart of Mary House.
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This concept does not require expensive funding to study and research. It is perfectly apparent that when a person knows they are safe and when they have no doubt that they are being cared for with unconditional love, their soul is at peace and no earthly means is necessary to calm them.
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The Heart of Mary House is a special place and the grace pours out from both sides of the bed! You, too, can receive the peace and unconditional love as a member of the Heart of Mary House Family!
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We joyfully await serving even more residents in our new home at 6107 New York Ave! There are still opportunities for you, your Cursillo Team, Men’s/women’s Club, Boy Scout Troop, Sports Team, etc…. To adopt a room and help make our house a home for our neighbors in need. Email Kim, stedwardhomh@gmail.com to find out more information on how you can help.
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P.S. Please share with your family and friends!
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