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-Butch Continued-
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Just before Thanksgiving we had a volunteer at the house who is a songwriter. Her name is Gwen. She and Butch really hit it off! He had shared with her that he had always wanted to write a song. A few days after volunteering, the words started to come to Gwen, and she sent me what she had written so that I could share it with Butch.
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The day after he had wanted to leave, I was on duty as the caregiver, and when I arrived that morning there was a family volunteering at the house. This family came every Saturday with their 7 children ranging in age from 3 to 17. Some of the kids were playing games on the floor, others played piano, and two of the kids were working a puzzle with Butch at the table. The scene was picturesque, as if they had known each other for years. Butch was radiant! The power of a family stepping in to serve together is always a beautiful moment to witness at Heart of Mary House, and children offer such innocence and joy that brings immeasurable peace to our residents.
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After the family had left, I let Butch know that his mom had called me to ask about him. I knew this was going to be a difficult subject, and I hated to take away his joy, but I felt it was necessary. Butch’s family wounds were deep, and speaking about his mother was a trigger for him. He began speaking at me, not to me, and sharing all the reasons he did not want to talk to her. I just listened.
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I understand the highway goes in both directions and as a mother myself, the only thing I could think to share was something like, "Mother's aren't perfect and neither are our kids. Your mother may not have shown her love to you in the past and she might not have known how to, but she is trying to reach out to you now." He only responded with, "I will talk to my mom when I want to talk to her. It will be on my terms, not hers." I saw this as a good opportunity to share the song from Gwen with him. As I read it aloud to him, we were both in tears. I could barely speak through each line, and I could see how even though it was painful to hear, the truth in it was opening up his heart.
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December is a very exciting time in the Church and Butch loved participating in all of the traditions that the season brings; getting his shoes filled with goodies on St. Nicholas’s feast day, lighting the candles of the Advent wreath each day, learning about Our Lady of Guadalupe and St. Lucy, etc...
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He liked to work with his hands and had a lot of creative energy. This came out as he was designing and making the wreath. The finished product was beautiful!
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Going through the Advent season with Butch was like watching the wonder of a young child during this special time. It was such a gift to all of us. Butch even rescued a dying tree and wanted to decorate it as his “Charlie Brown Christmas Tree”.
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Butch knew a lot about advent, but this year was his first time to ever take part in it. One of the volunteers brought him an advent devotional book and we made an advent wreath out of live greenery. When we were making the advent wreath, Butch also wanted to make a regular wreath for his mother.
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Despite his complicated relationship with his parents, he was overjoyed when they planned a visit. He could not wait for them to meet everyone! The only way I know how to describe his excitement, was that it was like when a young adult gets their first apartment and their parents are coming to visit for the first time; they want them to see how nice their living conditions are, and how well they are doing. They want them to meet their friends so that they can see that they are keeping good company and getting along well in life. This seemed to also be Butch’s intentions.
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His parents came to see him a few times before Christmas. It was both beautiful and heart wrenching to witness their exchanges. Butch would be so excited for each visit, but after they left, his demons seemed to reactivate old wounds and he would have some challenging days. Yet the grace of the Lord is abundant and He is good. Butch always seemed to find peace.
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I really cannot express thoroughly enough how engaging Butch was with everyone. He was just as dedicated to the Heart of Mary as the Heart of Mary was dedicated to him. He had a complete understanding of how we were a non-profit and how we were not getting funding from the government or insurance, and at that time, our donor base was quite small. He was on a mission to bring attention to the house and get more donations. I had no idea how he planned to do this, but he had every intention of bringing great fortune to the house.
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Well, his big break came when Channel 4 News came to do a story on the house. And, oh! Boy! Butch was ready! Don't get me wrong, he was very sincere, but Butch was also made for the stage! When that camera came on, he was rolling! He had rehearsed what he wanted to say, but later laughed and said he forgot everything he had planned to say. In my opinion, it was perfect! He even made friends with the news reporter, Marius Payton, and Marius came back to visit him a few times.
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One of the common conversations with Butch revolved around the Faith. He knew the Bible inside and out and even though he had a pretty strong understanding of the teachings of the Church, he was still learning a lot each day. We engaged in lots of deep conversations– specifically about the sacraments and the healing that Christ brings us through them.
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He also loved Our Lady very much! He liked spending time by our Grotto and lighting candles in the Church as he prayed.
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He referred to Our Lady as, "Sister Mary."
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It always struck me that he seemed to be incredibly knowledgeable of the Church, seemed to have a desire to be a part of it, but always batted down the opportunity. This all changed, when about a week before Christmas, Butch asked to speak with a priest. The priest came, and for the first time in his life, Butch went to confession. Afterwards, he asked to be fully received into the Church. At this point, there had been several residents who had been received into the Church at Heart of Mary House, and all of them had done so inside the house, not physically in the church.
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The house was about 50 yards from the church, and Butch, still quite stubborn, wanted to become Catholic INSIDE the Church. He insisted. So, that's what we did.
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By this time, Butch was declining pretty steeply. He was also stubborn about wearing oxygen. He didn't want to do it and that was his choice. The mornings were extra hard for him to catch his breath. Nonetheless, I wheeled him in the December cold, in his wheelchair, across the parking lot, and into the church for the 8am Mass.
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His breathing was audible. He was slumped over in his wheelchair throughout most of the Mass, but as it ended, he knew it was his time! Father met him in the back pew, and he received his first Holy Communion, his Confirmation, and the Sacrament of the Sick. The Lord had finally caught up to him!
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When we got back over to the house, he had a renewed spirit of strength and was at peace! A volunteer had congratulated him on becoming Catholic to which he responded,
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“I am in the family now.”
Although Butch was declining by the day, he enjoyed Christmas just as much as advent. He was overwhelmed once again with gifts of love from the community. At the same time, he was becoming more withdrawn. This was to be expected, yet a pivotal change for Butch.
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The struggle to control his surroundings was still very much a battle for Butch. Most people have a tendency to control, and at the end of life, this can be heightened with the extreme fear of the loss of all control. Grasping for control only makes things worse! Let Go, and Let God!
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Butch was left with one choice; either continue to fight and suffer, or surrender his will and accept the will of God. In the end, he surrendered and passed away peacefully on January 9th after being fully received into the Church and having received the Apostolic Pardon.
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On the afternoon of his death, his parents returned to the house. They were people of few words, but they expressed an appreciation that had the entire house in tears. His dad, trembling, said, “We can’t thank you enough. Once Butch arrived here, we didn’t have to wonder or worry where he was or how he was doing.” His mom embraced me, mother to mother, and with the deepest, heartfelt expression, said, “thank you for not giving up on my son and loving him in ways I never could.”
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Gwen, the songwriter, had also been there that day. Now, this might not seem odd to you, but she can only be with us a few times a year due to her touring schedule. Only God could have known that she would be there that day. I wanted to give his parents a copy of the song, and I was having a hard time finding Butch’s copy. I searched everywhere and finally found it in a little box under his bed. I gave it to them without sharing who had written it. There are no coincidences! Gwen and I just looked at one another with Holy Spirit bumps from head to toe and tears in our eyes. Their expression after reading it left no doubt in our mind that the Holy Spirit had been working overtime! Not because of what we had just experienced, per se, but because all of us, together that day in the home, witnessed the love of God in one of the most tangible ways I have ever experienced.
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If I had to say one thing that Butch taught me it would be that he opened my heart to the following understanding:
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We do not encounter Christ with our perfection; we encounter him in the vulnerability of our imperfections.
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For all of you reading, I want you to understand that without HOMH, Butch would have returned to the streets. Only God knows what would have happened after that, but we did not have to find out because HOMH was here for him and this was where he belonged all along!
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You will want to watch the video below! The voice over is from our volunteer, Kirsten. It was taken from a talk she gave about her time spent at HOMH.
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STORIES WORTH SHARING ARCHIVE
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